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How to Be Productive in Disagreement

When it comes to making quality decisions, some degree of conflict often has to be involved. Unsurprisingly, however, not everyone is at ease with the idea of a disagreement; most people shy away from it. But when done productively, disagreements can become a vital tool for making well-thought-out, high-value decisions. So how can we be productive in disagreement? Read on for some tips.

Society frowns at disagreeableness. As human beings we are hardwired to seek the approval of those around us. Yet a radical and transformative thought goes nowhere without the willingness to challenge convention. ~Malcolm Gladwell

Preconditions for disagreeing productively

To engage in productive disagreement, several preconditions must be met:

  • Trust. Whether with friends, family, or coworkers, a foundation of trust is essential to disagree well. Trust enables open and honest communication without fear of judgment or betrayal
  • Willingness to be vulnerable. Participants should be willing to be honest in their opinions and be ready for those opinions to be wrong
  • Willingness to give direct, unfiltered feedback. Participants should be able to openly critique each other without worrying about hurting the other side’s feelings. However, this feedback should be constructive and focus on the matters at hand and should not resort to personal attacks
  • Being receptive to such kind of feedback. In the same way, those who critique honestly should also expect the same kind of feedback from others within the group.

Photo by Cherrydeck on Unsplash

Tips on how to disagree productively

Once the above preconditions are established, you can make use of the following tips to make sure any conflict that arises within a discussion would lead to a productive conclusion.

Begin with a common ground

When putting forward an opposing idea for the first time, it’s normal for the other side to feel defensive about their stance. But how you lay down your viewpoints affects how receptive they will be to what you’re going to say.

If you start with an attacking stance by telling them where they are wrong, they might tense up, feel attacked, and follow up with a defense as to why they are right instead of listening and building on what you just said.

A better way to start is to find where you share a common understanding of what’s being discussed so that they will feel safe to listen to your feedback. 

When presenting your point of view, starting with "YES" instead of "BUT" helps establish the idea that you recognize and acknowledge the other side's perspective. By affirming their ideas, you demonstrate respect and create a more receptive atmosphere for productive discussion.

Image by Yan Krukau on Pexels

Always be inclusive

Word choice is something that you need to pay careful attention to, not just in conflict situations but in all aspects of life. How you use words has a massive impact on how you or your views are perceived.

In the context of disagreement, use “WE” instead of creating a divide with “YOU” or “I”. "WE" signals to the other participants that you are all in it together, collectively trying to come up with a solution to a problem that all of you have. Using “WE” instead of “YOU” or “I” also keeps everyone in line and makes it harder to resort to personal attacks.

Related: 9 Compelling Reasons to Embrace Learning Beyond School

Make it clear what the disagreement is about

Clearly defining the topic of disagreement is crucial to avoid parties getting off-tangent or engaging in unrelated or personal arguments. By focusing on the specific issue at hand, you can maintain a productive and focused discussion that is geared towards a tenable solution.

So right off the bat, state the problem at hand and lay down all the pertinent facts about the issue. Establish that a discussion has to be had and that opinions, no matter how diverse, are welcome and encouraged.

Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels

Do the work to have an opinion

Do not throw opinions lightly. Make sure you have the knowledge, experience, and expertise to back up your viewpoints. If you know what you’re talking about from all angles, not only will you be able to defend your stance better — you will also be able to elaborate on it further and give proper examples that will make it easier for your audience to understand your position.

If everyone follows this rule, they’re less likely to stray outside the boundaries of the discussion.

Always consider the possibility that you may be wrong

Always entertain the possibility that your knowledge about the matter might be flawed or incomplete. Approaching any discussion with this in mind will prime your mind to be more receptive to everyone’s standpoints and actively listen to what is being said. 

Being someone who actively listens is a vital element to conflict resolution as this facilitates the fluid exchange of ideas. 

Truly listen to what the other side is saying

In the heat of a disagreement, it is easy to get caught up in defending your own position without truly listening to the other side. Actively listen to the other person's viewpoint, seeking to understand their perspective rather than just formulating a rebuttal. Rephrase their opinion to ensure you've correctly understood, using phrases like "What I'm hearing you say is..." or "Do I understand correctly that you believe..."

Final Word

Disagreements are not inherently negative; in fact, they can be a powerful catalyst for growth and better decision-making. By fostering an environment of trust, vulnerability, and open communication, and by following the tips outlined above, you can engage in productive disagreements that lead to better resolutions and stronger relationships. 

Embracing disagreement as an opportunity for learning and collaboration can ultimately help you make better, more well-rounded decisions whether in various contexts and situations.

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Related: 9 Compelling Reasons to Embrace Learning Beyond School

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