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How to Be More Social

Not everyone is a social butterfly but even self-confessed introverts who genuinely enjoy solitude also need a stable support system. According to Psychology Today, a robust social support system contributes to both physical and mental resilience. It also helps you cope with stress and challenging life situations. The question is: how does one get a social life even when one isn’t a gifted extrovert?

Practice initiating conversations

If you want to be more social, you should be comfortable making conversation. Being a good conversationalist makes it so much easier to build good social connections. But being someone who is genuinely great to talk to, while natural for some people, takes a lot of practice for others. 

You can learn best by doing. Challenge yourself to be the person who opens the conversation first, then see where it goes. 

The following are the four simple rules of making small talk:

  • Don’t look at your phone or device while talking with another person
  • Ask open questions (example: How do you know the people here? Where are you originally from?)
  • Listen first. Don’t overthink about your replies. If you listen carefully, your replies should come naturally.
  • Respond enthusiastically.

Try this out with family and friends first. And once you’re a bit more comfortable, try initiating conversations with strangers within stress-free environments.

According to an Indiana University Southeast research, around 40% of adults think of themselves as shy types. So the next time you feel nervous about opening a conversation, take comfort in knowing that most people probably feel the same way that you do.

Practice being a good listener

There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak. - Simon Sinek

One of the fundamental keys to socializing effectively is the art of listening. Being a good listener involves more than just hearing words; it requires active engagement and genuine interest in what others have to say.

Being a good listener is often what gives people true charisma. Charismatic people are well-liked.

Image by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

So how does one become a good listener? The best advice is: do not just wait for your turn to speak. Instead, try to really listen to what the other person is trying to tell you. What are they trying to get across? There is so much power in making people feel heard. This is what most people don’t realize.

Here are some useful tips on how you can practice active listening in your conversations.

  • Use verbal cues to let the speaker know that you’re actively listening. Nod, smile, and use facial expressions. You can also make some brief verbal agreements like “yes” or “uh huh” to show you’re giving them your full attention.
  • Make eye contact but don’t overdo it. Too much eye contact can make the speaker feel uncomfortable.
  • Subtly mirror the other person’s body language. Subtle mirroring of the body language of others can establish a connection and convey confidence. However, avoid being too obvious or unnatural in your mirroring.
  • Do not interrupt the other person. Although they may take a brief pause, don’t assume that you immediately need to jump in. 
  • Ask questions relevant to what they’re saying. If you’re not sure if you understood what they said correctly, don’t hesitate to ask them to clarify. Chances are, they are more than happy to expound on their ideas. You can say something like “Did you mean that…”. You can also ask open-ended questions like “How did that make you feel?”
  • Don’t look at your watch, fidget, or play with other devices. Doing so sends the message that you’re not really interested in what they’re telling you and have other things to do.

Volunteer

Volunteering is not only a noble pursuit but also an excellent way to expand your social circle. It’s a great way to be in contact with people who share the same values as you do. Whether it's working at a local charity, participating in community events, or joining a service-oriented organization, volunteering provides plenty of opportunities to meet new people in a relaxed and positive setting. The shared purpose of contributing to a cause often forms the basis for lasting connections, making it easier to strike up meaningful conversations and build friendships around a common interest.

Julia M Cameron on Pexels

Chat with strangers

While the idea of striking up conversations with strangers might seem intimidating, it’s the best practice. Start with small interactions, such as asking for directions, complimenting someone on their attire, or making casual comments about shared surroundings. The more you practice initiating conversations with strangers, the more comfortable and natural it will become. Remember, many people appreciate friendly interactions, and a simple smile or a polite greeting can be the beginning of a meaningful connection.

Pursue hobbies

Joining clubs or groups centered around your interests is an effective way to meet people who share your passions. Whether it's a book club, a sports team, or a crafting workshop, participating in activities you enjoy provides a relaxed and enjoyable environment for socializing. Shared hobbies create a natural context for conversation and connection, making it easier to relate to others and establish common ground. Additionally, the shared interest serves as a built-in conversation starter, reducing the initial awkwardness that can come with meeting new people.

Try new experiences

Breaking out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in new situations sometimes gives you the courage to make new connections, even though you don’t normally do so. Simply uprooting yourself from what’s familiar is already a confidence boost. It’s when everything feels new that you may feel that you can re-invent yourself, especially the part of you that is cocooned in your own little shell. So go for adventures and see where they take you. You’ll be surprised how new experiences can nourish parts of you that are rarely cultivated in a sheltered and routine environment.

Practice and project confidence

Confidence is not about being the loudest person in the room but rather about being comfortable in your own skin. The good thing about confidence is that you can fake it 'til you make it. In fact, simply putting your body in a confident posture is enough to give you a confidence boost! 

Here are tips on how you can project confident body language.

  • Be mindful of space. Don’t invade others’ personal space but also don’t stand too far away as it can project insecurity.
  • Stand tall. Nothing projects confidence like a good posture.
  • Use purposeful and controlled hand gestures
  • Don’t cross your arms
  • Maintain eye contact
  • Adopt power poses
  • Dress well
  • Smile

The more you practice projecting confidence, the more others will be drawn to your energy and warmth.

Image by Thomas Kilbride on Unsplash

Remember that people are just like you!

It's easy to feel intimidated when socializing, especially when meeting new people. However, it's important to remember that everyone has their insecurities, fears, and desires for connection. By recognizing that others are just as human as you are, it becomes easier to approach social situations with empathy and authenticity. Don't be afraid to show vulnerability, share your experiences, and be yourself. Understanding that everyone has their own unique journey fosters a sense of connection and camaraderie, making social interactions more enjoyable and meaningful.

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